I promised some RV stories. Well I found a few. I doubt they are true, but they may bring a smile.
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same RV park where they spent their 15th wedding anniversary a decade earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel dates. So, the husband left Minnesota alone with their fifth wheel trailer. His wife would fly to join him the day after his arrival.
The husband checked into the RV park. To his surprise and delight there was a cyber cafe next to the recreation room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, in doing so, he accidentally mis-typed one letter in her email address
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had died of a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the message on the computer screen:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. I look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Ray, an RVer from Omaha, travels in his motorhome with a talkative but foul-mouthed parrot. One day in a campground near Gila Bend, Ariz., the bird's swearing got to be too much. So Ray grabbed it by the throat and yelled "Stop it!" But only minutes later, the bird was swearing again.
The next day, the bird yelled so loudly that the couple next door in a big fifth wheel stopped by to demand its silence. Desperate, Ray locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. But it didn't help: the bird kept right on swearing. The next day, the bird was even worse. So, as a last resort, Ray tossed it into his spacious Dometic freezer. After five minutes, all was quiet. Worried the bird might be freezing, Ray took it out.
"I'm sorry," confessed the suddenly polite bird. "I promise to never swear again."
Ray was astonished. He couldn't understand the change in attitude.
"By the way," asked the parrot, "what did the chicken do?"
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home at a local RV campground at a nearby lake. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.
Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:
"Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
There was once a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Arizona, so she wrote to a particular RV campground asking for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC: "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.
Well, the RV campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the lady was talking about. That BC business really stumped him. After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous...even the normal delivery sounds can be heard. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC. I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly community.
Sincerely, (RV Campground Owner)
An RVer in a motorhome got hopelessly bogged down in an unexpected muddy hole along a dirt road. After a few minutes, a passing farmer drove by on his tractor and offered to pull him out for only $20. After the motorhome was back on dry ground, the RVer said to the farmer, "At those prices, I bet you're pulling vehicles out of this mud day and night."
"Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole."
A national park game warden stopped a man who was heading back to his motorhome with two buckets of bass . He asked the man, " Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied, " No sir - Don't need one. These are my pet bass."
" Pet bass?" the warden asked.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here bass down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home."
" That's crazy! Bass can't do that!" said the warden.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, " It's not crazy, I'll show you."
" OK." said the warden, " do it!"
The man quickly poured the bass into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said " Well?"
" Well, what?" the man responded.
" Well, when are you going to call them back?" the game warden asked.
" Call who back?" the man asked.
" The BASS!" yelled the warden.
" What bass?" the man asked.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a Cracker Barrel for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn their motorhome around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of motorhome, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer opened his window and yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."